


Jonsei That Summer

by Axelex12



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bittersweet Ending, Boss/Employee Relationship, Cersei Lannister and Jaime Lannister Are Not Related, Domestic Fluff, Dying Cersei Lannister, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jon Snow is a Targaryen, MILFs, Mentions of Cancer, Multiple Orgasms, Multiple Sex Positions, Older Woman/Younger Man, POV Cersei Lannister, POV First Person, Past Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Paternity Reveal, Plot Twists, Resolved Sexual Tension, Summer Love, Summer Romance, Time Skips, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:28:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axelex12/pseuds/Axelex12
Summary: Cersei Lannister's memories of That SummerJon Snow/Cersei Lannister Modern AU
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jon Snow
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	Jonsei That Summer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CavernWraith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CavernWraith/gifts), [RC97](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RC97/gifts), [Azor_Stargaryen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azor_Stargaryen/gifts), [Azor_Ahai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azor_Ahai/gifts), [Jon_Stargaryen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jon_Stargaryen/gifts), [R_TarStark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_TarStark/gifts), [Jess_Targaryen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jess_Targaryen/gifts), [JohnDoe44](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnDoe44/gifts), [Sleepy_moon29](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepy_moon29/gifts), [Whitewolf94](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whitewolf94/gifts).



> Inspired by “That Summer” of Garth Brooks

Most nights I never thought about it.

It was a long time ago and it did me no good to dwell on the past. I missed him of course and I could never forget the way he made me feel when he held me in his arms. But dwelling on that and missing him didn't change the fact that I had a farm to run and a life to live.

I lived alone on the farm for months after my husband's death. Many neighbors and family members spent a lot of time "checking in" on me that first year, ensuring I was eating - as if I'd starve myself because Jaime had died - and making sure I wasn't working too hard. Well, there wasn't much I could do about the work unfortunately and so I accepted much of their help with gratitude.

After that first summer alone on the Square One, I decided to start hiring help for the busy months. Family and friends had more than enough suggestions for young men and high school boys looking for work throughout the summer months. For the next five years, I hired on three or four to help me. But then the profits began to drop off and I couldn't afford to keep more than one or two. After another two years, I could barely keep a single helper on hand for three months in the summer.

It was beginning to feel hopeless at that point. How was I supposed to keep a farm running and successful if I couldn't get enough help to keep it running day to day?

The house began to suffer for the loss first; shutters falling off hinges and the porch steps creaking ominously season after season. Soon there were leaks in some spots of the roof and instead of patching them, I merely shut up the rooms and avoided them altogether. I ate little through those two years, keeping to simple fare like potatoes and salad every night, food I could make using what I grew myself.

I eventually began to sell off the stock, first some of the smaller cattle, getting some profit off their pedigrees; Square One had been known for generations as an excellent source of breeding stock. I thinned the herd down to a more manageable number and still couldn't seem to make enough.

That spring of 1976 I came to a decision; I'd have to sell the Square One. It broke my heart to let it go but without Jaime around to work his magic, I was left with little choice. I could use the proceeds from the sale to get a nice place in town and do something different for a living, something I actually enjoyed. So for the last season, I decided to hire only one person to help clean up the place, do repairs and maintenance that had been so woefully neglected over the years.

While in town one day, I ran into Madeleine Harvey, a woman who'd known my mother for years. We chatted lightly on the street corner with the sun sparkling brightly over our heads. Eventually the conversation turned to the farm and I admitted sadly to the older woman that this would be my last summer there.

"Oh dear," she exclaimed, her ready smile fading from her wrinkled face. She smiled weakly and patted my arm. "Are you sure that's what you really want?"

"Whether I want it or not, I have little choice," I replied. Although touched by her sympathy, I couldn't help the twinge of annoyance I felt at her tone. Everyone I'd come across in recent weeks had given me the same reaction when told of my plans for the Square One, though not always the same exact words; "You can't sell the Lannister farm!" or "Oh, but Jaime never would never have sold the Casterly Rock" Well, Jaime just wasn't around anymore was he?

"I suppose it has been difficult for you since Jaime passed," Madeleine said with a nod. "If you need anything, dear, just let me know. I'm only a few miles away."

I laughed lightly and nodded. "Thank you Madeleine. Actually, if you know of anyone looking to get a job for the summer, I haven't hired anyone yet."

"You're still hiring someone for the summer?" She said, her brows drawing together in concentration. "I might know of someone. My friend Rachel, her niece has a college-age boy who's coming home for the summer apparently."

"Oh? And they live around here?"

"They're in the city," Madeleine replied. "Would you like me to have Rachel's niece call you?"

"Absolutely. You still have my number?"

"Yes, dear. I'll tell her to call you this week."

"Thank you very much, Madeleine. I'll talk to you later!" And with that, I turned around and headed for home.

Sure enough, that very weekend a woman named Lyanna called me. We spoke for a while, discussing many things. She'd actually grown up in the same town and we'd gone to the same schools, although she was quite a bit older than me. Still, it was nice to reminisce.

"So I understand you are looking to hire someone on for the summer?" Lyanna asked after some time.

"Yes, I own a farm called Casterly Rock," I explained quickly what type of farm it was and what kind of work I'd be getting my helper to do all summer.

"Well, my son Jon is just coming home from his first year of college in another week and my husband and I are trying to find something for him to do," she said.

"How old is he?" I had to ask.

"Nineteen last month," Lyanna told me. "He's a good boy." Something in her tone made me smile, as though she was trying to convince herself that he was as she said.

"But...?" I prompted gently, letting the question hang in the air. I'd hired on some pretty tough kids in the past years, some had just had bad attitudes but there had been a couple who'd had a brush with the law; vandalism, theft, basic teenage boy stuff that I could hardly blame them for since I'd met Jaime when he'd been living through the same phase.

On the other end of the phone, Lyanna sighed and I could almost see her readjusting her position as we spoke.

"We made a deal with him at the beginning of his school year," she began. "We would pay for the year so long as he kept his grades up. If he couldn't, then we'd find him a job during the summer to pay for his own tuition."

"Sound fair," I put in, sipping my coffee and tapping my toe against the leg of the kitchen table.

"I thought so too," she agreed and sighed again. "But we just found out a week ago that he failed two classes."

"Oh dear."

"Yes. So we've been scrambling, trying to find him work for the summer. My husband is going to pick him up from school this weekend and we have to have something lined up or he'll just mope around all summer."

In spite of myself I chuckled. I had no wish to offend Lyanna by laughing, but I could just picture another teenage boy coming home to a summer of lectures and guilt from his parents.

"Well, he won't have an easy time of it here," I warned her after a moment. "Its decent pay but he'll earn every penny of it."

"Good!" She exclaimed and then laughed at herself. "Don't get me wrong, I love my son but he's had a rough year. I think it might do him some good to get out of the city and do something productive for a change."

"It'll be productive, that's for sure," I replied with a laugh of my own. Inside my head though I was listing all the things around the house and property that would need repairs before this place would be fit for sale.

Lyanna and I chatted for a while longer, making arrangements for her husband to drive Jon to Square One the first weekend in June. She gave me their phone number and we wished each other well for a nice summer.

***

The days passed by quickly and before I knew it, I had another call from Lyanna, informing me that her husband and son were en route to my farm. They'd be arriving in less than three hours. I thanked her and hung up the phone. I headed to the tiny room above the garage and tidied up, throwing fresh sheets on the bed and adding another heavy blanket. It could get very cold in this room at night and I didn't want to be responsible for killing the kid.

Then I headed downstairs to start something for dinner. It was already late in the afternoon and by the time they arrived, it'd be the dinner hour. So I put something together and threw it in the oven to cook. Another hour passed as I went over the accounting books for the farm in the kitchen.

At last I heard a car approaching up the long driveway. I stowed the books in a cupboard and made my way to the front of the house as a knock sounded on the front door. I walked to the door and opened it to see an older man, Lyanna's husband and Jon's father standing there, smiling broadly at me. I returned the smile before my eyes slid to the face of the young man standing next to him.

It shouldn't have affected me the way that it did, seeing him standing there, an astonished look on his face. Something about his expression did something to me though and I felt my heart patter wildly for an instant within my chest.

No one had looked at me like that since Jaime died.

The breath caught in my throat and I was struck silent for a minute. Then I smiled widely and turned slightly towards the younger man as his father introduced us. Something his father said caused Jon to blush a deep red and exclaim sharply in retort. Hearing this and seeing his wounded expression, I immediately felt sympathy for the younger man.

Smiling again, I spoke to him, the poor dear. "Nice to meet you, Jon." I did not expect the little shiver to run up my spine as I spoke his name for the first time.

I think he mumbled something that sounded like a similar greeting but I couldn't understand around the roaring of the blood in my ears. After another few words with Jon's father and a hand shake, they walked together to stand next to the car. His father gave him what I suspected were encouraging words about how much fun he'd have this summer. When his father finally drove off and left him standing alone in my gravel driveway, I felt my heart leap into my throat.

Oh god, I thought suddenly. Am I going to have to make conversation with him now?

I stood still on the porch, unable to move. My green eyes followed his movements as he slowly turned from the dusty trail left behind by his father's car. Then he walked up the porch steps and stopped in front of me, not quite looking me in the eye. I stifled a smile at his demeanor and felt immediately better about the entire situation.

At least I wasn't the only one disconcerted by our meeting. But I was the adult and so I pulled myself together, sternly but silently reprimanding my heart for its erratic behavior before turning towards the house.

"I bet you must be tired from your trip," I spoke up, breaking the silence. "Come on, I'll show you to where you'll be staying. You can rest for today and we can start in the morning."

I grabbed one of his suitcases as I spoke and turned to walk inside without waiting to hear a response. I figured he'd follow rather than risk being left outdoors all night. I smiled to myself when I heard the screen door bang shut as he entered the house behind me.

All the way through the house and up those back stairs I tried not to think about him staring at my ass. In spite of myself, I felt a flush creeping up my neck and in seconds I was overheating. I hurried up the last few steps to the little room over the garage, wanting to leave him and get a grip on myself somehow.

I explained that the room had belonged to my nephew the summer before. As I followed his gaze around the small room, I cringed inwardly, knowing how tiny it must seem to someone from the city.

"Hopefully you aren't too cramped in here," I added as an afterthought.

He still didn't say anything, his eyes roving over the sparse furnishings. Suddenly his eyes swept to my face and my breath caught in my throat. I realized then that I'd been staring and I smiled to cover my guilt.

"You don't say much, do you?" I said out loud.

He blushed that remarkable red color again and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading wider across my face. Then I laughed lightly and waved a hand at him.

I assured him that I didn't mind his shyness. I privately found it endearing and was rewarded with a tentative smile. It completely transformed his face and I nodded in satisfaction. It would be very easy to like him.

Too easy.

I informed him that dinner would be ready soon and he could join me when he was settled. Then I left the room, shutting the door firmly behind me. I stood on the landing for a minute though, breathing deeply and trying to calm the beating of my heart. In spite of my earlier reproach, the organ was trotting along at its own carefree pace, leaving me breathless in Jon's presence.

After that minute passed, I felt solid enough to descend the staircase, shaking my head as I went. He was just a boy, after all. Hardly old enough to even know about women. I smiled at the thought of him trying to speak to girls his own age and I wondered if he blushed the same way with them.

Laughing to myself as I reached the kitchen, I bustled about, convinced at last that it must have just been a momentary lapse; a touch of faintness because of the heat and humidity outside. I had been inside all day after all and the oven had been heating the house for the better part of the day with dinner tucked inside.

Reminded of the task at hand, I removed the dish and set about making a salad. By the time Jon clomped down the back stairs, I was quite in control of myself again.

That is, until he smiled that shy smile at me after I caught him staring at my ass.

This was going to be a long summer.

***

The first few nights with Jon Snow the the house were pure torture. To know that a healthy young man was sleeping mere feet away from my bedroom was enough to keep me awake until the wee hours of the morning. As a result, I was less than chatty in the mornings and could only conjure enough presence of mind to give him chores around the house.

Finally on the sixth night, when I thought the loss of sleep and crazed thoughts would drive me mad, I slunk under my bedspread and squeezed my eyes shut. Then I did something I'd never done, not in all the time I'd been married, or widowed for that matter.

Slowly I slid a hand between my legs, under the cotton waistband of my panties and through the curls above my moist womanhood. I gasped as I touched myself there, surprised to find myself so wet. Even with Jaime it had taken some coaxing on his part to get me this excited. Now, the mere presence of a virile young man was enough to send me careening towards this, my current state of unrest.

I moved my hand, my fingers slipping lightly over the sensitive lips. I sighed and eased one finger inside the warm hole, my mouth dropping open as I did so. Then I pulled my hand up and stroked that slightly protruding nub that used to draw so much of Jaime's attention. He'd always enjoyed lying between my legs, his cheek pressed against my thigh as he lapped at me with his tongue, crooning in between motions about how sweet my clit tasted.

Moaning, I began to stroke faster, seeing instead the youthful face of my summer helper looking up at me. His amethyst eyes shone in the darkness of my room and when he smiled his sweet, shy smile, I came. I exploded, years of pent up sexual energy washing over me in seemingly unending waves.

After several minutes of stars circling my head and my rough attempts to catch my breath, I rolled over and pressed my face to the pillow beneath my head, wishing I could take back all the ungodly noises I was certain I'd just made. I couldn't help but wonder if Jon had heard any of what I'd cried out in the midst of my release. Shaking my head at my own thoughtlessness, I rolled onto my back once more and fell into a somewhat restful sleep.

In the morning I told myself that I was overreacting. Jon had been working so hard on the house over the past week that he must be sleeping like a log at night. There's no chance he'd heard me the night before. And even if he had, he wasn't forward enough to say anything about it. At the most, he'd blush and hurry outside without breakfast. The thought made me smile and I shrugged. Now that I'd got it out of my system, maybe I'd be able to sleep better at night too.

But as Jon walked down the stairs into the kitchen that morning, I knew it wasn't true. He looked just as appealing as he had before I'd made myself climax the night before.

Damnit!

So the summer wore on. I took to pleasuring myself nearly every night in an effort to erase the desire I was feeling.

It's absurd! I thought one evening as I handed him several extra blankets to ward off the chill at night. Here he is freezing his ass off every night and all I can think about is ways to keep him warm. That don't include these damn blankets.

It was all I could do not to throw myself at him whenever he walked into the kitchen for breakfast or dinner. I had to turn away half the time just so he wouldn't see my mouth gaping or hear me gasping for air. Even the fact that he refused to use my given name seemed to incite something inside of me.

I'd very nearly accosted him the day I'd wrapped his hand after a nasty cut he'd sustained while working. It had been a considerable feat of mental strength to keep from sliding into his lap and sucking on his ear lobe. That such a thought even entered into my mind shocked me. I'd turned away as soon as the bandage was tied and served him a piece of cake to cover my own discomfort.

I felt like a teenager again, not a thirty-one year old woman who owned her own farm and who'd been married once for three years. Who the hell was this kid that he could do this to me? Or was it just that he was a male and I had been without affection for so long? I couldn't figure it out and if I was being honest with myself, I didn't care.

For several weeks I simply told myself that there was nothing to be done for it, beyond what I was already doing of course. But my fingers were tired and my body ached for something more.

The weekend of July the 1st rolled around before I knew it and I spent the better part of that morning pacing in the yard near the house. There were many tasks I could be taking care of but instead I reminisced about the few summers I'd had with Jaime and how we'd celebrate in town with all the other people we'd known all our lives. This wouldn't be the first summer I hadn't gone to town for the big picnic and all the games but somehow I knew my reasons for not going this year were entirely new.

My emerald Green eyes scanned the horizon as the day wore on and I frowned when I saw the thunderheads forming in the distance. Sighing in resignation, I went inside to start dinner. I knew Jon would be heading in from the fields soon and I made a point of always having dinner ready promptly at six o'clock, if only so I'd know exactly when I'd see him again.

I was just removing the casserole dish from the oven when the door opened and Jon entered, in something of a hurry. The wind swept past the house outside and the door banged shut behind him. He winced and put a hand out to stop it belatedly. Smiling, I carried the casserole dish to the table.

"It's going to be bad, I think," I remarked casually as I set the dish down.

Jon nodded his agreement as he sat down across from me.

"Go ahead and help yourself, Jon," I said, gesturing at the dishes between us.

We fell mostly silent as we ate, Jon serving himself a second helping before I'd even realized he'd finished his first. It was satisfying in a way I hadn't expected to see him so obviously enjoying the meal. When at last it appeared he was slowing down, I rose from the table and began to clear the dishes, again apologizing for keeping him from the festivities in town that day.

"It's ok, Ms. Lannister," he replied quickly and my heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice sounding out my name.

In an effort to cover my reaction, I smiled at him and told him to stop calling me that. He countered by saying it again and adding that his mother always taught him to address a lady properly.

I grinned then, feeling the familiar ache settle low in my belly when he called me a lady.

"A lady?" I repeated incredulously, unsure suddenly if he'd actually said that.

Under my gaze, he flushed an alarming shade of red and looked away. I couldn't help but laugh. It was strangely comforting to know that he was as uncomfortable around me as I was around him. Only my age and experience seemed to give me the talent and strength to disguise it more effectively.

When he didn't say anything, I spoke again. "Your parents must be really nice people. They certainly raised you right."

His response was a genuine laugh and my knees actually trembled when the deep sound reached my ears. The chair scraped the floor as he stood up and I felt him approach the sink where I stood. I looked up with a smile and felt his warm eyes slide across my face before meeting my gaze. He was saying something about his parents not agreeing with him but to this day, I can't be sure of that. All I was aware of that moment was how close he stood to me and how he smelled of the outdoors and wild grass.

I swallowed and managed to sound coherent when I spoke again. "You don't have to stick around while I do the dishes, Jon," I told him and was rewarded with another blush and bashful lowering of his eyelashes.

"I don't mind helping out, Ms. Lannister," he murmured in a low voice and moved away from me, towards the kitchen table.

My knees just about gave out then. My temperature must have spiked suddenly and I felt light-headed. Somehow I managed to speak again and I tried to keep my voice light as I did.

"Jon Snow, I will fire you this minute if you call me Ms. Lannister one more time," I said, squeezing the living daylights out of the washcloth in my hand. Slowly I turned to look at him and he was gazing back at me, a surprised expression on his young face, his mouth hanging slightly open. I knew then that my voice had betrayed me and he looked as nervous and shut off from me as he had that first day.

"All right," he finally muttered, not taking his eyes from my face.

I was the first to turn away, murmuring something in response and continued to wash the dishes in the sink. When I didn't stray from my task, I heard Jon move around the kitchen, muttering something about checking the windows and doors before the storm hit. At his words, I looked up and out the window over the sink, frowning once again at the storm clouds I saw now looming much closer than before.

I couldn't help but wonder if the old house and other buildings would be able to withstand another strong storm. Those clouds and that wind were shaping into a particularly wicked tempest and I was not looking forward to the wreckage in the morning. Then I saw Jon's tall, lean form stride with purpose across the yard before the window and my breath stopped short. Cursing at myself and my troublesome desires, I hurriedly finished the dishes and bolted from the kitchen before Jon came back inside.

Upstairs in my bedroom, I paced for what felt like hours. Sleep was the furthest thing from my mind and I knew that the moment I lay in bed I'd begin touching myself again. Something inside me told me that it just wouldn't be enough. Not anymore. Not tonight.

I heard the kitchen door open with a bang and then shut again a moment later. The sound halted my frantic pacing and I listened to the sound of Jon's steps on the back stairs. Another few seconds passed and I heard his bedroom door shut.

Heaving a heavy sigh, I collapsed onto the bench at the foot of my bed and covered my face with my hands.

I had no idea what I was going to do. The summer wasn't even half gone and I was more than half-crazed. Jon was a good boy, he deserved to earn his pay this summer and finish school and go on to become a doctor or lawyer or something equally grand. He didn't need some washed up widow pining for him and lusting after his youthful body. No matter what I told myself though, I couldn't stop my heart from pounding and keeping me up late that night.

Eventually I reached a strange state of being. My mind stilled as a moment of calm in the storm reached the farm. I glanced out the window and saw the tallest trees bending in the wind and saw the occasional splatter of rain against the glass. I stood up and walked across my room, into my closet where my fingers passed over the multitude of hanging clothes.

Of their own accord, my hands pulled out a soft blue dress that I hadn't worn in ages. It was nearly threadbare and for a moment I wasn't sure why I'd held on to such an overused dress. Then the memory washed over me and I allowed myself a moment to recall the night Jaime had proposed to me. Minutes after slipping the ring on my hand, he'd slid his hands up my legs under this blue skirt and taken my virginity in the sweet spring night.

One moment and then I was undressing, shedding my work clothes, leaving the jeans and plaid shirt in a pile on the floor so I could bring the soft dress down over my head. It settled in a pleasing shape around my body and I smoothed a single hand down the front before turning from the closet.

I didn't head directly into his bedroom. Instead I went downstairs to the kitchen and made a small pot of coffee. The heady aroma filled my nostrils and I breathed deeply, the caffeine fumes enough to give me the last of the courage I was seeking.

The storm breathed new life against the house, rattling the window panes and sending a shiver down my spine as I filled two porcelain mugs with the steaming coffee. As I walked slowly up those back stairs, I heard with perfect clarity the wind howling against the outer walls of the house. My heart pounded in unison with the gusts as they swept dirt and leaves against the siding and my breathing caught in my throat yet again as a resounding boom of thunder split my ear drums.

So it was with a strange buzzing in my ears that I paused at the landing before Jon's door, two cups of coffee in my hands. Drawing in a deep breath, I stepped closer and tapped gently on the rough wooden door.

For a moment I thought he might be sleeping. Then I knocked again, determined to resolve this. After a third knock, I heard him stirring beyond the door and I held my breath in silence until he opened the door, standing shirtless before me.

Focus on his face, I told myself and allowed myself to smile anyway, my mind already turning over the possibilities his bare chest presented me with.

"Did I wake you?" I whispered, grateful that it didn't squeak with apprehension. Seeing the expression on his face made me pause, wondering if I was wrong about coming to his room.

Slowly he shook his head in response to my question and I breathed a sigh of relief, uncertain if I even spoke out loud. His eyes slipped from mine to rest on my hands and the two curls of steam rising over the mugs. He asked if one of those was for him, his voice deep and sure and I smiled, handing one over. Then I took the plunge.

"May I come in?" I asked and without waiting for him to reject me, I swept past him into the room. I felt a moment of awkwardness, standing in the middle of his space before I crossed to the lone rocking chair on one side and sitting down. I looked up at Jon, still standing near the doorway, the mug of coffee looking tiny in his large hands. I made up a reason for showing up at this ungodly hour outside his bedroom and I hoped as I spoke about what happened in the kitchen earlier that he couldn't tell I was lying.

But then a funny thing happened. I realized I meant what I was saying to him; about our dinners together and how much I wanted him to enjoy his time at Square One. After all, it was only the summer and he didn't have much more to endure. Then he spoke, more words than he had since I'd arrived at his bedroom door and the strength of his tone stopped me short.

"What?"

"It's not long at all," he said, flushing now and looking down at the coffee mug in his hand.

Something about his tone got to me and I studied his face carefully. Was I imagining things?

"Um, I mean, it doesn't seem like a long time. Like, I haven't been here a long time either," he was stammering and it was so endearing I almost laughed. I tried to actually listen to his words though, turning my focus from his delightful mouth to his eyes. Not that that helped much; his eyes were so dark in that dim bedroom with the single bedside lamp that it was suddenly difficult to breathe.

"No?" I managed to respond to his words, smiling as I did so.

"Well, no. No, it doesn't feel like it's been all that long," he continued. "And two months doesn't seem long enough-" Suddenly he stopped and this time before he dropped his eyes, I saw what I needed to see there.

My heart slowed almost to stopping and I dimly heard him apologize. But I was already moving.

"For what?" I asked, slipping from the creaking rocking chair, leaving my mug on the floor next to it.

"For..." he started but stopped shortly after, shaking his head and flushing an even deeper shade of red.

Then I was on the bed next to him and I could feel the heat rising from his broad shoulders in waves. I breathed it in, soaking up his masculine scent as I shifted closer.

"Don't be sorry, Jon." Please, please don't be sorry.

He looked at me and I looked at him. I felt him breathing and knew he was breathing me in as well. I heard a roaring in my ears as I reached for his hands, gently slipping the mug of coffee from his grasp. I was speaking, saying something about what he'd wanted to say before he'd cut himself off; something about not having enough time to really get to know each other. I wasn't entirely sure of my words, instead watching his face.

He didn't look frightened or disgusted and that was a very good start. It was all I'd needed really. Any resistance and I would have fled his room in an instant, knowing that I'd been wrong about all his looks and words before this moment.

"Well," I heard the words as if they were being spoken by someone outside this moment, someone detached and observant. "Let's not waste any more time." Somehow my hand had risen to his face and I gently stroked his cheek as a clap of thunder split the stillness.

Before my courage abandoned me, I leaned forward, my eyelids falling shut as I kissed him, just pressing my lips against his. I breathed his breath and tilted my head just slightly, my lips sliding gently over his.

A moment passed before I realized he wasn't touching me and wasn't kissing me back. I drew back with a small frown and looked up at him in concern. Had I been wrong?

"Jon?" I whispered, apprehension flooding me suddenly.

"Wh-what...what are you doing?" He asked, his face still flushed and his body tense.

But I heard it in his voice. He was just young and didn't know how to express himself well enough yet.

"Getting to know you better," I responded simply and leaned forward to capture his lips with my own again.

He breathed my name as our lips met and I felt all my desire speed through my body before exploding in heated wetness between my legs. I held on to him for dear life, clutching his shoulders, my fingers digging into his warm flesh. I pulled him closer, sliding against him as I did so. He broke the kiss suddenly, pulling back and looking deeply into my eyes.

Not speaking, he just stared at me, his eyes moving across my face and down to my open mouth. I realized then I was breathing hard, my chest rising and falling rapidly. For a split second I thought I'd frightened him but then his hand lifted from the bed to settle on my waist.

At his touch, my mouth fell open further and I leaned forward. Then his other hand rose to my neck and I sighed, shutting my eyes and tipping my head to feel the warmth of his hand against my cheek.

"Cersei," he murmured and I barely heard him around the wailing storm outside and the roiling desire in my body.

"What?"

"I don't...I, uh, I mean, I'm not...I don't know..." he was stuttering again and his voice was trembling.

Reluctantly I opened my eyes and smiled, trying to find some way of soothing him, of assuring him that he was doing nothing wrong; that we were doing nothing wrong. My words came out simply enough, "Jon, its ok," but he shook his head, still uncertain.

"But I've never-" he began to protest again but I trapped any further words with my fingers, stopping him from speaking and talking us both out of this.

"That's all right," I whispered and kissed him again.

With this kiss, I felt him let go. He ceased to be nervous and grasped me tightly, his strong hands closing on my body and sending a thrill through me. I put my arms up around his shoulders and pulled him tightly against me. I pressed my tongue inside his mouth, knowing he wouldn't be the first one to do it and I was astounded when he engaged me, pressing back with his own tongue.

I began to feel light-headed, my chest constricting and I broke away, gasping for air. I smiled up at him and slowly moved my hands from his shoulders, over his chest and down to the waistband of his pants. I heard his sharp intake of breath and reveled in my power over him. Then I slowly slid my fingers beneath the elastic waist of his pants and searched for what he had to offer.

When I encountered his erection, I was pleasantly surprised yet again. I was not sure if I said anything out loud but from his responding grin, I must have done or said something right. Looking into his eyes, I grinned too and leaned away to turn off the bedside lamp. Turning back to him, I practically crawled into his lap and was relieved to feel his arms circle me, drawing me closer. I lifted my face for another kiss and moaned, softening against him, feeling the heat rushing just beneath my skin.

God, but I just wanted to get closer to him. His mouth devoured mine and his tongue glided ruthlessly in and out, back and forth, drawing another strangled sound from me. I groped his body, searching for his hands. I took hold of his left hand, bringing it immediately to my thigh. I wanted to feel his hands on me, moving on my skin and he obliged, squeezing my thigh as I planted kisses along his jaw and down to his neck.

He tasted so amazing, the sweat on his skin giving him such a tangy flavor, I felt I could drink nothing but him for days. The muscles and tendons in his neck and shoulders were tense and slid underneath his skin as his hand moved higher up my leg, moving the flimsy dress aside. I withdrew my hand, needing to hold myself up by grasping his shoulders. As I did that, I felt his hand touch my panties and I gasped, feeling fresh moisture settle between my legs.

"Cersei," he murmured and I bit my lower lip at the deep sound of his voice saying my name. It was the most erotic thing I'd heard in years.

I turned my head to his, seeking his soft lips yet again. He kissed me back, his tongue delving into my mouth without any hesitation this time. His kisses were heady and I slid from his arms, lying back on the bed. I didn't want to stop kissing him but there were certainly many other things I wanted to do with him that night.

"Come here, Jon," I ordered softly, waggling a finger at him in what I hoped was a sexy gesture. It had been so long, I didn't know if I could still pull off sexy.

He leaned over me and I reached for him, putting my hands on his broad shoulders and caressing the strong muscles there. He had unquestionably developed some definition and I loved the feeling of his youth hovering above me. I met his eyes and blushed inexplicably. There was such an expression of intensity in his eyes that it made me shiver.

"Jon, are you just going to stare at me all night?" I asked, feeling my cheeks burning as another bolt of lightning split the night sky outside the window. As I spoke, I ran my hands from his shoulders and over his chest, grazing his nipples as I went, delighted when I felt them harden to my touch.

"I just don't want to rush anything," he replied softly. "I don't want to forget this moment."

I felt tears burn the backs of my eyelids at his words and understood at last that this was his first time. That he was willing to do this with me made me feel so...I didn't know. There were no words.

"Oh Jon," I whispered and pulled him down to me, kissing his lips hungrily. He pulled back though and I laughed. "It's ok, Jon. You're not too heavy. I want to feel you on top of me." I moved my hand down as I said this, grasping his heavy erection through the thin fabric of his pajama pants. I looked up at him through my eyelashes and grinned. "I want to feel every bit of you, Jon."

The tendons in his neck stood out in bold relief and I bit my lower lip, stroking him slowly. To know that in a few moments, this part of his anatomy would be just where I needed it, I felt my desire renew itself.

"Undress me," I ordered, not meaning to sound harsh but he didn't seem to mind.

Grasping the bottom of my dress, he pulled upwards, his breathing coming short and heavy as well. I moved for him, allowing the dress to slide all the way up and over my head. As he tossed it aside, I held my arms out for him and moaned happily when I felt his weight sink on to me. I lifted my hips as his lips descended on my mouth again. Through the cotton layer of my panties I could feel the massive heat of his cock and I shifted again, sliding against him.

He broke the kiss, gasping and I grinned, telling him that I wanted him. He repeated my words back to me and I moved my hands down, pushing at the waist of his pants. I ordered him to take them off and laughed out loud when he obeyed so swiftly, I wasn't entirely certain how he'd managed it without falling off the bed. Then I took in the uncensored sight of his straight, hard erection and felt my heart slow to a dangerous speed.

"No underwear," I whispered, reaching out and touching him.

I started at his chest before sliding to his waist, rubbing my thumbs through the coarse hair of his body before moving closer to the prize at the center of him. I encircled his flesh and sighed contentedly to feel the weight of a man in my hand once more. He spoke my name, the sound of his voice strained and I smiled as I stroked him, slowly from base to tip.

"What is it, Jon?" I managed to ask as I explored his impressive member, gently rubbing the head with my palm.

When he asked me what to do, I stopped with a light laugh. I guided his hand to my side again, teasingly explaining that I needed to remove my panties first. He obliged, sliding them slowly over my legs and tossing them down with our other discarded clothing. He lay back down next to me and stroked my hip and up to my breast, cupping it delicately.

"Yes, that feels wonderful," I whispered, my head falling back against the pillows. He continued to explore me as I had done to him and I let him, smiling and moaning when I felt my nipples harden almost painfully.

"Can I...?" His hesitant voice broke into my pleasing reverie and I drew my eyes back to his face. When he didn't continue, I thought something had suddenly changed his mind but then he leaned forward, his eyes never leaving my face. As he enclosed his lips on one nipple, I moaned and clutched his head to my chest.

His rough tongue circled my tight nipple and I dug my fingertips into his scalp, holding him to me and never wanting his wonderful attentions to end. His hand moved down my side again, cupping and squeezing my ass and I moved against him, trying to offer him more of my body. As I moved, his hand moved with me, slipping between my thighs and coming so close to my wet center that I arched in pleasure, driving my breast against his mouth.

Instead of drawing back though, he clung to me, his tongue lapping at me with such ardor that I almost laughed out loud. He was so attentive to my one little body part at that moment that I wondered if he'd give the same undivided attention to all of me.

He pulled back suddenly and pressed me flat into the mattress. Swiftly his mouth was on mine again, kissing and suckling at my tongue with a hunger that I hadn't felt in years. I relented, opening beneath him and lifting my body until we were pressed together from chest to thigh. His cock twitched between us, pressing against my lower abdomen and he suddenly stopped kissing me, pulling back and looking down.

He didn't move for a long minute, just breathed deeply, staring down at where his cock brushed against my dark curls. I squirmed, unsure of what he was thinking.

"Jon?" I whispered, breaking the silence when I couldn't take it any more.

"Cersei," he breathed and met my gaze. Then he grinned and I felt my stomach flutter, more heat soaring through my body as he lifted a hand and settled it between my legs.

Groaning loudly when he slipped between my wet pussy lips, I arched against him, pressing my head back against the pillow. He stroked me slowly at first, easing into a faster speed and I clutched him to me, gasping and moaning alternately. After a moment I realized I was scratching his shoulders but since he wasn't protesting, I figured it wasn't bothering him. He was so close, so close to obliterating all my other senses and I didn't know how much more of this I could handle.

"A little higher," I hissed out when I felt him fleetingly brush against my clit again. He obliged, slipping from my hole to the space above it. When his fingertips made contact there I squeezed his shoulder tightly and bit my lip, tasting blood a second later. I moaned his name then I think as he circled my clit with his slender fingers. He circled and stroked, moving faster and faster until my body clenched, tightening in exquisite pleasure. He continued to stroke me through my orgasm, slowing down and I eventually opened my eyes to see him grinning down at me.

"Jon," I whispered. "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure," he replied softly following a laugh.

I laughed with him and touched his face. "Mine too." I pulled him down to me, kissing him and thrusting my tongue inside his mouth with ardor, showing him that I was still wanting more.

I told him to roll over and when he didn't move, I smiled, pushing gently on his shoulders until he moved. As he rolled onto his back, I went with him, throwing a leg across him and sitting up above him. I leaned close, my taut nipples just grazing the soft hair on his chest.

"I want to repay the favor, Jon," I murmured as he placed his hands over my breasts, squeezing them gently and stroking my nipples. While he did that, I shifted my position until I felt his erection slip between my soaking lips. He stiffened under me and I smiled, reaching out to stroke his cheek. Then I moved my hand between us, encircling his stiff cock with my fingers.

I lifted myself slightly, still stroking the hard length of him and his hands slipped from my chest as I moved.

"Oh god, Cersei," he hissed, squeezing his eyes shut.

I grinned and slipped his cock up and inside of me, sinking down around him with a contented sigh. He was gloriously hot and filled me just as I'd need to be filled. I looked down at his face as another bolt of lightning lit up the tiny room. My heart was hammering against my ribcage and I could feel his pulse pounding from deep within me. I moved with another sigh, lifting and lowering myself ever so slightly.

I forgot the years that had passed since I'd had a man inside of me. I forgot about the pain I'd felt when Jaime had died. And I forgot about everything else except Jon beneath me, stroking me, lifting me with his strong hands.

"Oh yes," I moaned, my head falling back as I felt him grasp my hips. I felt him rising to meet me with hard, rhythmic thrusts. He was learning quickly and I could feel my breath coming faster, another orgasm stampeding towards the surface. "That's it, Jon," I murmured, encouraging him. "Keep doing that."

I don't recall if I spoke again after that. I felt him rising and falling beneath me and I reached out for him, scraping my nails across his hardened nipples. He made some sound at that and I grinned, opening my green eyes to see him looking up at me. The thunder boomed outside the house and the rain battered the siding and I saw every bit of the storm reflected in his purple eyes.

I moved faster over him, unaware that my hands were moving until I felt my fingers slip between my damp curls to touch my clit. A moment later his hand joined mine and I arched over him, my head falling back. As I twisted over him, I reached back, cupping his balls and massaging them gently. I wanted to feel him explode against me, within me.

He moaned and grasped my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh almost painfully but I didn't care. When the storm was over, outside and between us, I wanted some evidence of what we'd done. I leaned further back, feeling him thrusting up and into me over and over again. It was amazing, he was amazing. He was strong and hard and he was pounding into me as the rain pounded against the window.

I bounced away atop him, my orgasm fast approaching. I felt every heated inch of him filling me and I held onto his legs as we moved. He clutched my waist, holding me down and pushing into me with a force I hadn't known he possessed. I loved it and I never wanted him to stop stroking my insides with his cock. Then I came, crying out loudly and clenching my fingers on his legs.

A moment later I felt him tense beneath me and his thrusting reached a breaking point. With a loud moan, he came, his cock emptying within me. I drew myself upright and moved in time with his last thrusts, finally settling against his chest with a sigh. He was breathing extremely fast and I worried for a moment that he'd overextended himself.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"I'm better than all right," he replied quickly, tipping his face and looking down at me.

Laughing, I shifted and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"That was amazing," he breathed a moment later, closing his arms around me and squeezing gently.

I smiled and hugged him back. "I'm glad you liked it," I replied, privately hoping he'd allow me to do that again and again.

"What's not to like?"

I laughed at that and nestled closer to him.

A minute passed in contented silence and then he spoke again, his voice hesitant and shy once again. I looked up at him as he struggled to ask me the questions. Though he never actually completed a whole sentence before his shyness overcame him, I knew exactly what he wanted to know.

"I did, Jon," I assured him. I did come, twice. "And I was-" pleased and impressed, "-and you were too," very good, Jon and extremely satisfying.

We didn't speak again. I settled against him, well aware that his cock was still inside of me. I was in no hurry to move and feel him slip away from me and so we fell asleep that way; me against his chest and him still deep inside of me. I knew we'd part as sleep overcame us but I didn't care.

The storm had passed and I felt euphoric. I fell asleep feeling a deep and abiding affection bloom for the young man under me.

***

In the morning I was woken by Jon's hands on my body. Even though I'd spent part of the night lying awake wondering if I'd done the wrong thing with this younger man, I couldn't help but react to his touch. I rolled towards him and we made love again, well into the morning.

When I realized how much time had passed that first morning, I got up, gathered my clothes and informed him that we needed to get on with work on the farm. As I looked down on his body, relaxed against the bed covers as he was, a satisfied smirk on his handsome face, I very nearly jumped back on top of him. But the farm wouldn't fix itself up and I knew that if I got back into bed with him that moment, I would never have got out again.

In spite of my misgivings, I wanted more of Jon. Not just because he was young and virile, but because he was sweet and genuine and I knew he cared about me a great deal. That in turn led me to feel guilty because I was the adult in this situation and I had used him the night before. However much he might have enjoyed it, I should never have put him in that position.

I blushed as I hurried to my own bedroom and every time I recalled a moment or touch from the previous night's adventure, I laughed out loud. I felt giddy, like a young woman again. Jon had restored me as a woman. In just one night, I got back what I didn't even know I'd been missing and it was so much more than just physical urges.

The more I thought about it that first day, the more I wanted. I wanted more than just one stormy night with him. I wanted many nights and many mornings filled with Jon...well, filling me up. As the afternoon wore on while I worked on the books in the kitchen, I couldn't sit still. My mind was racing and my heart was pattering faster and faster in anticipation of his entry into the house after working outside all day.

I think it was sometime around five o'clock when I decided I couldn't take anymore. I jumped from the chair I was sitting in and raced out of the house. I frantically tried to recall where I'd sent him to work that day and spotted his head on the horizon, along one of the fence lines. So I walked straight for him, not stopping until his arms were around me and his mouth was on mine.

We made love again there in the grass that afternoon and it was a miracle that we even made it back to the house. It certainly set the tone for the remainder of the summer though. I would go to him in his tiny little room and he would come between my legs, always hard and eager for me. He was intent on learning more from me each time. He asked what more he could do to please me and so I would tell him or show him.

And some nights I simply wanted to please him. Those were the nights his fingers would end up tangled in my blonde hair while I sucked his hard cock into my mouth and stroked him until he'd come. I truly enjoyed bringing him to such a climax every time. Jaime had rarely allowed me to suck on him, claiming that it felt strange and he didn't think it was proper, in spite of the fact that he took great pleasure in tasting and licking me.

As I lay one night with my head in Jon's lap, I couldn't help but smile at the memory. I wondered if Jaime would think any of this summer was 'proper.'

Of course I understood that it wasn't going to last beyond August. Jon was young, in college and had his whole life ahead of him. He certainly wouldn't want to end up stuck with a lonely widow woman, working a ranch and wondering where the next meal would come from.

That point was driven home especially sharply when Jon's father called on a Wednesday near the end of the summer to confirm plans to pick him up. I eavesdropped shamelessly from the other room as Jon agreed to see his father that next Saturday. My heart dropped as he hung up the phone and turned to face me.

"That was my dad," he said quietly, hanging his head and shoving his hands into his pockets. "He's coming to get me on Saturday."

My heart twisted within my chest as I took in his stance and tone. It hurt me more than I thought it would to know that he would be leaving me, probably forever in only a few days. "Well," I spoke, responding at last to his words and striving to sound nonchalant. "That is the end of summer."

Obviously my attempt to sound casual didn't work. He scowled and asked if I cared.

Did I care? More than he could ever know.

He hadn't just been a lover those past several weeks. He'd been a friend and companion and he'd helped me rediscover the pleasure I'd been missing without even realizing I'd been missing anything. I was going to be desperately lonely without him when he left and I didn't quite know how to deal with it. So instead, I crossed the kitchen floor and took his face between my hands, memorizing the feel of his rough whiskers and the touch of his breath on my skin.

"Of course I care," I whispered, feeling my chest constrict just a little bit more. He was just so young. He had so much life left to live, so much to discover. So much that he would never get at the Square One or with me. "But let's not make this any harder than it needs to be."

Then I leaned against him, feeling him harden against me and I smiled. At least we had three days. Three whole days of this...I pushed against him again and laughed when he said there was work to be done. With another laugh, I brushed it off and tilted my head back, inviting him to kiss me, which he did. Then I sank against him as he closed his arms around me and lifted me into the air.

It wasn't until we were lying in his bed, with his face buried between my legs that I realized something else; he'd become an astounding oral sex aficionado. Then I couldn't think straight anymore as I felt his lips clamp onto my clit and suck with renewed vigor. Before I knew what was happening, my hands were tunneling through his shaggy hair and I was crying out loud, my orgasm rocketing through my body.

Then he was leaning over me, kissing my throat and stroking the head of his cock up and down my aching pussy lips.

God! When did he become such an expert tease?

"Jon," I moaned his name, biting down on my lip as he eased the head of his cock inside me briefly before pulling away again. "Please Jon," I begged, very near to losing it entirely. "I want to feel you inside me."

So he sank into me, so slow, so sweetly and I about died from the pleasure.

"Mmm, Cersei," he murmured against my skin, inhaling deeply and I clung to him as he lifted his hips, thrusting against me.

I responded, pressing up into him, clutching his body against mine. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist, determined to keep him close to me; he wasn't going to pull out to tease me anymore. He kept the pace slow and I was dying with each heated stroke of his cock inside me. At last I was gripped by another orgasm and cried out, digging my fingers into his shoulders.

As I floated down a minute later, I felt his pace quicken. The sound of our skin slapping together echoed erotically in the small room and I moaned, meeting each of his pounding thrusts with my body, still trembling from my climax.

"Come for me Jon!" I cried, rubbing against him and opening my lips under his, taking his tongue inside my mouth. "I want you to come!" I was barely aware of what I was saying. All I knew was that I felt him tense above me a second later and he groaned loudly, pumping harshly into me several more times before collapsing over me.

I turned my face to plant a kiss to his temple, gently brushing his hair away from the skin. He smiled against my shoulder and relaxed, slipping towards sleep. So I went with him, grateful that we at least had three more days together.

***

While it had seemed like a long time on Wednesday, by the time Saturday rolled around, we were both nearly frantic for each other. I'm not certain how much work actually was accomplished on that Thursday and Friday but I knew it couldn't have been a whole lot and I was glad we'd worked so hard earlier in the summer.

The morning that his father was to show up, I woke to feel Jon rubbing his erection against the crack of my ass. I groaned, pressing back against him, feeling moisture pool between my legs almost instantly. Hearing me wake and feeling my body respond, Jon slipped a hand between my thighs to cup my heated pussy.

"God, you get wet for me so easily, Cersei," he muttered and pressed his hand against my hip, rolling me onto my back.

I only answered with a smile, fearing that if I spoke, that morning of all mornings, I might just break down and cry. So I parted my legs for him and he placed himself between them, just as he had so many times before. I sighed as he entered me swiftly and helped as he lifted my legs to penetrate as deeply as he could.

Then he pounded into me, grunting as our bodies smacked together. I moaned and gasped with each movement, clutching his arms and taking his tongue into my mouth as he leaned low to kiss me. Then he straightened, lifting my legs and parting them as he thrust further into me. Our eyes met over our joined bodies and our climaxes hit us both at the same moment.

As we lay in bed, shaking all over from such an intense coupling, I looked over at the single window and saw the sun just peeking over the horizon.

"Jon," I whispered, stroking a hand down his side, reveling in the feel of his body twitching beneath my touch. "Jon, love, we have to get up. Your father will be here soon."

He sighed heavily and nodded, his dark hair brushing against my skin, sending a shiver through me. Then he lifted himself onto his arms and withdrew from my body. We shared a look as he lowered his face to kiss my swollen lips once more. He smiled and rose from the bed to begin gathering his clothes.

Then before we knew it, Jon's father was driving up the long lane towards the house. We watched for a moment as the car turned from the highway and onto the gravel lane from the front porch. Jon then bravely drew his shoulders up straight and said he'd go back upstairs to get together the last of his things.

For my part, I headed down the porch steps to greet his father.

"Hello!" He called as he exited the car amidst a cloud of dust.

"Hi there," I replied with a smile. "How was your drive?"

"Not bad," he said, coming closer to shake my hand. "Very little traffic; I was surprised."

"Well, there's still a few days before school actually starts up, right?" I said, thinking of what Jon had told me only the night before.

"That's true. So where is the boy anyway?"

Boy. I nearly scoffed at the word. Jon was no boy; not anymore. I forced myself to remain neutral.

"He just upstairs getting the last of his things together," I said out loud. "Can I get you a coffee? Or some water?" I offered.

"No, thank you," he replied, holding up a hand. "I think I just want to get back on the road and head home."

"I bet your wife is looking forward to seeing Jon again."

He nodded with a broad grin on his face. "She is indeed. I've barely made it through the summer with her fawning all over me instead of the boy!" And he laughed heartily at his own joke.

I smiled around my suddenly clenched jaw. As a moment of silence descended over us, I decided I'd had enough small talk with the man.

"I think I'll go check on Jon," I stated aloud. "I'll be right back." I turned and hurried inside, eager to escape to my sanctuary; Jon.

I found him in his room, standing silently in the center. He was facing away from me but turned slowly at my approach. I took the opportunity to run my eyes slowly over his entire form; his long legs, encased handsomely in dark jeans, his narrow waist over a beautiful ass and the broad shoulders that hadn't been there at the start of the summer. The thought made me pause; was he broader or was he just carrying himself differently?

But that thought and others disappeared as his eyes met mine, a half-hearted smile on his handsome face.

"Your father is waiting for you," I said quietly, struggling to remain calm.

"I know. I saw you talking," he replied, just as softly.

We fell silent for a moment.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nudged the suitcase nearest my foot. "Have you got everything?"

"I think so."

"Well then."

"Yeah."

Again, silence crept between us. When I thought I couldn't take anymore, I heard his sigh, a tiny catch in the sound and I turned to bolt from the room. Then I stopped, not two steps away and whirled around to walk back across the room. I put my arms around him and held on for dear life. I pressed my nose to his neck and breathed deeply, clinging tightly to him in the hope that I could freeze this moment forever. I felt him stir against my abdomen then and I pulled back with a heavy sigh of my own.

"I'll miss you, Jon," I said, abandoning my resolve to keep this painless and going for the truth instead. "And not just for the reasons you think."

"I know," he replied, smiling and stroking my back. "I'll miss you too, Cersei."

A shiver ran through me at hearing him speak my name for the hundredth time that summer. Then I grinned and pulled away slightly to look into his face. "It's Ms. Lannister, young man," I said, hoping that he'd repeat it to me so I could hear it once more.

He nodded and smiled, as he grabbed me around the waist and laid his lips over mine, stealing my breath yet again. Then he pulled back and said, "I'll never forget you, Ms. Lannister."

My knees turned to jelly at that and I tried to keep my composure. It wouldn't be good for either of us if I lost it then. I spoke, saying something about the lovely girlfriends and babies in his future, hoping I sounded sincere. He shrugged it off though, saying he wasn't sure. So I made him promise to live his life, no more thoughts for the widow he'd worked for one summer.

After he agreed, I nodded and stepped out of his perfect embrace. We each grabbed one of his suitcases and left the bedroom, walking down through the house and outside to where his father was waiting patiently.

His father greeted him with a bear hug and a firm clap on the shoulder. He said his mother wouldn't even recognize him. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart as I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

All too soon, Jon was facing me, shaking my hand and looking for all the world like he hadn't spent half the summer inside of me.

"You take care, Jon," I managed to say out loud as he shook my hand. Then he smiled that ridiculous smile I affectionately referred to as his 'public face.'

"Thanks again, Ms. Lannister," he replied and gave my hand one final squeeze before stepping away.

His father thanked me as well and they both waved good-bye as they climbed into the car.

I stood in the dust cloud that remained after their departure for I don't know how long. Eventually my vision blurred and I sniffled as I turned back towards my much improved house. With yet another heavy sigh, I walked inside to call the realtor.

***

My daughter was sixteen years old when she finally dug the truth of her parentage out of me. And because I was dying, I figured she deserved the whole truth. Being the razor sharp go-getter that she was, she left no question unasked or unanswered. When I was finally allowed to fall into a somewhat restful sleep that evening, I guessed the only reason for that was that she'd been satisfied enough with my answers. At least for the moment.

"Why didn't you ever contact him about me?" She asked instead of saying 'good morning' the following day.

Groaning, I rubbed my eyes and struggled to sit up in bed. She hurried to my side, her expression penitent as she fluffed my pillows and allowed me to settle before asking the same question again.

"He was very young, sweetheart," I told her.

"But don't you think he deserved to know?"

"Yes, he did deserve to know," I agreed weakly and sighed, closing my eyes and breathing deeply through the pain.

"Then why didn't you go tell him?" She asked, not stopping until she knew everything, inside and out.

Smiling in spite of the painful memories, I explained that the one time I'd sought out Jon Snow, my long ago summer lover, I'd found him on the verge of marrying another woman.

"How could I ruin that for him?" I asked after explaining. Even now, the memory of him, holding a jewelry box towards a beautiful woman, his age, sent a pang through my heart.

Sighing, my daughter relaxed in her seat next to my bed. She still eyed me critically and I grinned in response. "You couldn't," she finally relented.

The brief silence that followed was broken yet again by her gentle but insistent voice. "Why are you telling me now?" She asked and the question sent a fresh frisson of pain coursing through my heart.

"Sweetheart," I murmured, reaching for her hand and finding it near. "I wanted you to know that you still have family." As I looked up at her, I saw tears in her eyes and blinked away my own. "You won't be alone."

"Oh mom," she muttered and lowered her head to rest against my shoulder.

We remained still for several minutes, not speaking until at last she straightened, rubbing my arm gently as she did so.

"I bet he would have loved to hear from you. You don't even know if he's still with that woman! He might never have actually proposed," she said firmly, back to her old self. She smirked at me. "And even if he had, he would have left it all behind for you."

I laughed and patted her hand. "And you, love. He would have been there for you as well, Joanna."

We fell silent after that and I drifted towards sleep again. Cancer might be destroying my body from the inside out but I was at peace. The last thing I would have wanted would have been to leave my daughter Joanna alone in the world. But I knew she never would be. Just as I had never been alone that summer, and all the summers that followed, she would be loved as I had been loved.

Jon Snow had given me life that summer.

F I N

**Author's Note:**

> Leave Kudos


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